Why do we sometimes lash out at complainers?
Every now and then, I complain. Airing my grievances makes me feel a little better about certain situations because it helps me clear my head. When I know how I feel about something, why I feel that way, and I am able to express those feelings, I can then take a step back and reassess the situation. It’s certainly better than bottling up my feelings and letting the negativity fester.
I know I’m not the only person who sees it this way.
Sometimes, I have to deal with rude, judgmental people. These people pretty much act like I, or others, don’t have any right to complain about certain things. At times, these people even seek to blame the people who are complaining, even without full knowledge of the situation.
That really ticks me off, especially when I or another person who is making a complaint has a valid reason. For instance, they could be living with a messy, irresponsible roommate or they could be working for a mean, inconsiderate, slave-driving boss. Regardless of what others may think of those situations, it may be hard for the person with grievances to immediately do something about it.
But the complainer haters don’t care. They treat other people’s complaints like petty little annoyances, even when they were butting in anyway.
To be honest:
I am annoyed when people just complain but offer no solutions.
And people who complain yet expect others to fix the mess are trifling.
Then there are people who need to get some things off their chest.
When someone brushes this person off, the dismissive person is hastily handling a problem they might not have been asked to deal with in the first place.
‘What Are You Complaining About?’
To this question, I would like to say:
Well, if you took the time to find out you would know. But if you were butting into someone else’s conversation, nobody asked you anyway. You’re not helping anyone, so you may leave.
And that’s me being nice.
Honestly, sometimes people need to complain. Maybe the person who’s venting will be more productive later. I just don’t see the point in agitating this person further.
‘You’re Just a Whiner [and It’s Your Fault That Happened]’
Sometimes, a rude person will not just brush off another person’s complaint, but try their best to make that person feel small. Whether it’s by comparing the complainer negatively to a third person (or the condescending speaker) or blaming the complainer for the problem they experienced, I see no point in such a conversation other than making the listener feel worse than they already did.
In some instances, the person telling others to shut up is better off. For example, a rich person might tell a person struggling to make ends meet they need to be happy with what they have.
(This is complete hypocrisy because people who are filthy rich aren’t happy with what they have. Either they’re miserable or their greedy. If the latter is true, they’d be jumping off cliffs if they all of a sudden found themselves in the middle class.)
In other instances, people ask others why they let people hurt them instead of taking exception to the people who would hurt others. “Why did you let yourself get bullied?” Durr hurr …
More often than not, the people yelling at the complainers don’t follow up and see what that person did after complaining … or pay much attention to what that person was complaining about in the first place. Much of the time, the person who’s hating on the complainer just heard the other person but didn’t listen to them. The first person just picked out some parts of the other person’s speech then went on a tangent.
This is something I’ve talked about before. I hate it when someone just gets angry because someone else is, especially when that first person didn’t take the time to understand the other person’s point of view.
‘But, I Don’t Have Time for This’ (BS)
Now, some might argue that being nice (all the time) is a waste.
“We just don’t have the time to be nice [to everyone].”
To me, that is similar to what Trump said in the first Republican debate in 2015. He said he just didn’t have the time to be politically correct.
I read that as him not wanting to take the time to be considerate, which is similar to what I’m discussing here.
On some level, a lack of time could be a fair point. For example, say a house is burning and someone in it is trying to go back for their possessions or they’re moping about. In that case, it would pay for someone else to be firm, even rude, to convince the first person to get out of the burning house. There is simply no time to be nice in that situation because lives need to be saved.
Other than those types of situations, it pays to be polite, courteous, and considerate most of the time. For example, if a person is in a relatively safe environment (and they’re not delaying the work that needs to be done that day), there is time to talk to that person and calm them down or at least listen to them. That person may return the favor or help you out of a jam later. Also, if one finds themselves in a diplomatic situation, tact will be needed to build relationships and form the best deals.
By taking the time out to be rude (which requires effort), people might end up wasting more time. Like I said before, sometimes a complaint only takes 5 minutes (10 tops) to sit through. Interruptions and/or a rude response could turn a relatively short conversation into an hour-long shouting match.
We might not always like to hear other people complain, but they may need to.
Yes, it does take some time for people to be nice. In the case of the complainer, it might even take about 10 minutes for them to get their thoughts out and feel a little better. But when people choose to be rude or mean-spirited to this person, it might cost everyone twenty minutes instead.